Article 27: Causes and Self-Adjustment of Psychological Barriers to Mate Selection Among Older Singles
Psychological barriers to finding a partner for older singles
Compared to young adults of marriageable age, older singles often encounter more difficulties and psychological barriers in the process of finding a partner. This is mainly manifested in the following aspects:
(1) Inferiority complex. Some older singles feel that they have no advantage in the marriage market due to their age and lack confidence in themselves. They are often extremely disgusted or even angry when people around them talk about their marriage problems, and deliberately show an attitude of indifference and disdain for their marriage in front of others.
(2) The desire for perfection. Some older singles have lost many opportunities for marriage because their standards for choosing a partner are too high. However, they have not learned from this experience and continue to adhere to their previous standards, determined not to "lower their standards." This desire for perfection makes them still "carefully select" partners. If the other party does not meet their requirements in terms of education, physique, appearance, or economic status, they will never marry.
(3) Closed-off mentality. Many older singles, having missed the optimal age for finding a partner for various reasons, gradually close their hearts and become less willing to open up to the opposite sex. Some older singles who already had limited social interactions may become solitary, unwilling to associate with classmates, colleagues, or friends, especially those who are married, preferring to be alone in the hope of escaping reality. This mentality of older singles actually greatly reduces their already limited opportunities for finding a partner.
In addition to the three psychological obstacles to finding a partner mentioned above, older singles are often troubled by negative psychological factors such as vanity, impatience, suspicion, and stubbornness. All of these are detrimental to the mental health of older singles and also hinder their success in finding a partner.
Self-adjustment of the mate selection psychology of older singles
(1) Face yourself and confront reality
While being older certainly presents challenges for older singles in finding a partner and narrows their pool of potential matches, age isn't all bad; it also has its advantages. Generally, older singles tend to be more mature and well-rounded in their thinking about life, society, and family. They are less impulsive than they were in their youth and are more committed and responsible in their approach to life. These advantages may help them avoid pitfalls in their romantic relationships and potentially lead to more genuine and fulfilling love. Therefore, older singles should face reality honestly, neither feeling inferior nor demanding perfection, and approach their romantic relationships with a positive and healthy attitude.
(2) Expand exchanges and seize opportunities
Older singles should realize that when it comes to finding a partner, their true "savior" is themselves. Therefore, they shouldn't wait passively but actively participate in various social activities to expand their social circles and find a suitable life partner. At the same time, they should seize every opportunity. Society as a whole is concerned about the dating situation of older singles and has created many opportunities for them through various channels. Every older single person should dispel their concerns, shed their burdens, and actively participate in these opportunities, both choosing others and being chosen, thereby increasing their chances of finding a partner successfully.
(3) Update your mindset, abandon unrealistic standards, and broaden your range of potential partners.
The reform and opening up has brought about unprecedented social changes in my country, and families are undergoing dramatic transformation and restructuring, resulting in a large number of divorced, childless, single young men and women. Most of these individuals are around 30 years old, and many are outstanding individuals. They divorced for various reasons, and after experiencing a period of hardship in life, they have become more mature and attractive. This special group is gradually attracting the attention of older unmarried youth. Some discerning older unmarried youth have even managed to marry their preferred divorced partners. However, some older youth feel uncomfortable when introduced to friends with previous marriages, some even rejecting the idea outright, believing that marrying a divorced person is "too cheap" and "disgraceful." This is clearly due to outdated ideas and vanity. A happy marriage is based on the existence and development of love, and has no necessary connection to whether it is a first or second marriage. If you are dominated by outdated ideas and vanity, and fixate on unrealistic standards for choosing a partner, you will inevitably narrow your pool of potential partners and add more difficulties and troubles to your search. Therefore, you should update your perspective, base your criteria on the pursuit of true love and marital happiness, and partially broaden your focus to those who are successful divorcees. You will then be able to find true love.
Psychological adjustment after job search setbacks
Many people experience setbacks in their job search due to both subjective and objective factors, failing to secure their desired positions and experiencing a range of negative emotions. Dealing with job search setbacks correctly and actively adjusting one's mindset not only helps to overcome the frustration caused by job failures as early as possible but also increases the success rate of future job searches.
(1) Self-encouragement and consolation
When you experience setbacks in your job search, it's important to use your rational self to regulate and control your emotional self. This involves adjusting your existing values, re-evaluating the experience, and even intentionally developing a negative perspective to reduce inner pain, maintain self-esteem, and achieve psychological balance. Specific methods of self-counseling and consolation include:
People often intentionally downplay the value of jobs they desperately want but can't have, while intentionally inflating the value of other jobs that could replace or compensate for their previous losses. For example, a joint venture advertised for security guards with relatively high pay. A young man who previously worked as a primary school physical education teacher applied but wasn't hired. He consoled himself by saying, "It's lucky I wasn't hired. Being a security guard is too risky. If I had been hired, what if I encountered a vicious criminal on duty one day? I might have lost my life! Actually, my current job is pretty good. Although the salary isn't high, it's safe and stable." This young man's self-consolation is essentially the "sour grapes and sweet lemons" psychological defense mechanism.
(2) Seek advice from relatives or friends with job-seeking experience or professional consultants.
Finding a satisfactory job as soon as possible is the best way to overcome the psychological imbalance caused by previous job-hunting setbacks. To this end, one should actively seek advice from relatives, friends, or professional counselors with extensive job-hunting experience to improve future job-hunting success rates.
(3) Shifting blame for job search setbacks to external factors and finding possible excuses to defend one's failures. For example, claiming that there are too many job seekers, recruiters do not recognize talent, or that one is unlucky are the reasons for job search setbacks, in order to reduce inner anxiety and unease and improve self-confidence.